Nico!

As you might or might not know, I think a lot. When I mean a lot, I mean constantly. I don’t mean stupid “what am I doing today” thinking, I mean thinking about ideas that I should try to put into play. A lot of these ideas are just silly things that I think are fun to think about and play around with. One of these ideas I have thought about for a while is what would be the top ten ways of dying. I have finally compiled a list of the top ten ways to die, as determined by Nico. I have not included boring ways like “In your sleep” or “Drowning” because they are boring, and at least when I die I want to die someway exciting and original.

So lets start the list!

Number 10: Political Assassination

One of the main reasons I think this is a good way to go is because I assume it is to get shot, I have never been shot before and often wonder what it would like to be shot (at this point in my life hopefully not fatally). Also if all goes right I could go like Kennedy did, minus the first bullet. Being shot in the head seems like a quick way to go; meaning less pain. Also, if you are a victim of political Assassination it means that you have some political power and you are obviously pissing someone off. This first statement is a nice little thing to have. If you have enough political power to be assassinated you will probably be in the record books for a while; meaning you are living beyond life itself. Also as a follow-up to the statement “you are pissing someone off” there is a saying “If you aren’t pissing anyone off you aren’t doing your job.”

Number 9: Getting sucked into a tornado.

This is a pretty exciting way to die in my opinion. Firstly you would get sucked into the sky, which would be a pretty weird sensation. After being sucked into the tornado you would just kind of fly around inside of it for a while, see the inter workings of the tornado and such, then when the tornado is done its business you would simply fall to your death. As you will notice, I am obsessed with the falling sensation, I think its an awesome feeling, and falling is a good way to die in my opinion.

Number 8: Pre-meditated murder by nuns or Buddhists.

Now really this would just be comical. What are the chances? Two of the most peaceful types of people murdering me? That would be amazing. If they conspired together to murder me would be better, because it probably would be the only time in the history of the world it would happen, and it would just be ironic in a sense.

Number 7: Getting sucked into a jet engine while sky diving.

So you are sky diving and having an awesome time, your adrenaline is pumping and you are going faster and faster. Your brain keeps on thinking “9.8 meters per second.” Its awesome you are having a blast. Then you see a plane in the distance; Oh shit. You get sucked into the engine. First off, It combines falling and another death, which is good right there. Secondly, it would spatter you all over the side of the plane; like a scene from a movie. Thirdly, it would be proclaimed the airlines fault and your loved ones would be compensated very well. Fourthly, it would be fast. This is a good one in my opinion. Furthermore, again, there is little chance than this and in my opinion the less chance it will happen the better it would be.

Number 6: Time travel mishap.

You are a famous scientist and you have created a time machine that you are convinced will work. You decide to test it out despite your colleges warnings (Stupid you!). You find yourself decades back when you where in your college days. First thing you see is yourself walking with a friend; you admire your stunning looks. Your past self looks in your direction, sees you immediately recognizes you. Continues to walk, and accidentally walks into the street and gets hit by a bus. Opps, you no longer exist. Nice painless way to go.

Number 5: Falling into a bottomless pit.

Picture this: you are walking in a field or something random, you trip, shit, your falling. You can’t see the bottom, and after a while you figure it out; there is no bottom. As you fall you would experiment with your falling experience; have some fun. After a while though you would slowly not be able to breath causing your blood to not deliver oxygen to your brain, slowly causing you to get high. After a while your brain would just shut down, but you would be high. This is a nice way also because seriously; how many bottomless pits have you heard of?

Number 4: Getting hit by a meteor.

You are walking down the street and everyone is freaking out but you can’t figure out why. You don’t think much of it and continue to walk, BAM; your dead. Meteor fell out of the sky and hit you. Its as simple as that. I think this one is again a rare occurrence, which to me appeals greatly. Its right out of a movie.

Number 3: Gravity Reversing

Now that we are in the top three it is guaranteed these are the best ways to go in my opinion. This one is a creative one. Here is my thinking: The theory of the big bang, scientists know stuff happened up to some point so they made some crap up to cover their tracks, aka the big bang. Part of their theory is that everything is moving away from each other very fast. In that theory It makes sense to me that everything at one point will move back towards itself. At this point my worry is that maybe everything in the universe will reverse itself, or maybe just the main force in the universe (as we know) Gravity. If gravity reversed, lets say you are walking down the street, suddenly you would just start flying upwards at a good acceleration. After a while you would start to go into space. While you where accelerating upwards so would the oxygen would accelerate with you, but the farther away from earth you got the thinner the air would get, allowing you the gain less and less from each breath. Soon you would be very high, and your brain would just shut down. This way to die combines very unlikely with the sensation of falling (upwards) and dying while very high.

Number 2: Spontaneous Combustion

You are walking down the street and suddenly your stomach hurts, you think nothing of it so you keep walking, then you blow up. My real inspiration on this one is from Dante’s Inferno, the layer of hell in which thieves go. They simply continue to blow up and burn to ashes for all eternity. While discussing this part of the book I laughed and laughed and thought that it was a great punishment. My classmates where not amused. Anyways, I think this is a great way to die, its blunt, unpredictable, and it would simply leave the investigators wondering “wtf.”

Number 1: Smited by God

This was the beginning of this list, since the get-go I knew this would be number one. It simply is the best way to die in my eyes. There are a number of conditions though, one being, it has to be God, not one of his henchmen. Secondly, I have to know that it is God himself. Thirdly, I have to have a good few seconds of being alive, enough time to figure out what is happening. Ok now I will explain the situation fully. First off, God hasn’t resorted to smiting people for a very long time. If I can piss God off enough to be smited for the first time in a VERY long time, then I obviously have done something truly and awesomely wrong. Although I don’t try to piss anyone off, if God hated me so much that he smited me, I would feel accomplished. Also, under some sects of Christianity they believe that you simply have to believe in God and admit Jesus as our savior. I already have been saved; one part of that done. The second part is easy, I notice that it is in fact God smiting me and I suddenly believe in him. There we are! I’m in heaven! Again, there is almost no chance this will happen, and if it did, it would be once in a very long time, that alone would be worth it, not the mention the other things connected with being smited by God. Oh yea! Also, I would be one of the only people in existence to have seen God in any form, along with moses. Me and Moses on the same level sounds awesome. Hey, maybe I could get into some literature like Dante’s Inferno

In conclusion, these are the top ten ways to die as determined by me, Nico. I feel that all of these deaths would be a good way to go. At the time being, I personally do not want to die because I do not feel I have completed my life journey, but once I have impacted the world more I would be very content with any of these types of death, Number 1 would be awesome.